REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: West Bankers Want Equal Rights

By on April 11, 2017

JACKSON HOLE, WY – The recent success of a Day Without An Immigrant protest as well as the popularity of the Jackson Hole Women’s March has inspired other activists to take to the streets. Last week West Bankers for Equality marched in Teton Pines.

While the problems of immigrants, the handicapped and the disenfranchised dominate fake news cycles, the difficulties of the upper classes remain largely unreported. This is a reason West Bankers distrust the media. In Teton Pines marchers carrying Prada handbags paraded between Sudachi and Elevated Grounds. This reporter interviewed a marcher who had struggled to provide her family with the most basic of sanitation needs.

“The automatic toilet seat lifter broke in the master suite,” she said. “For three days my husband and I had to use the guest toilet. Thank goodness our children were back at college; if we had a house full of guests we would have had to lift the lid manually!

“Finally,” she continued, “after three days a plumber shows up as if he could care less that we were having an emergency! Then it takes four days to get a part in! All the while my husband and I had to use the guest toilet except when the nannie, cook, or maid are here to lift the toilet seat for us. It was a major crisis and nobody cared. Well, I am tired of being silent and walked all over! It’s time for West Bankers to stand up and be counted!”

Architects, interior designers, high-end furniture and accessory stores, and realtors marched shoulder to shoulder offering support to clients who they claim have often been the subject of discrimination.

One protester dressed in a Vineyard Vines salt water washed shirt claimed discrimination from the county planning department. “I bought a lot with the intent of building a charming ski chateau for the Christmas week we spend in Jackson every year. But I was told 17,000 square feet was too big for county regulations! How can a cottage be too big? It’s not like it’s just for me; my two children sometimes join us. How can they be expected to stay in a house without their own wings with butler quarters and a theater room? It’s racist!”

Another marcher, dressed in a J. Press sweater, said the compressor on his wine cooler went out right after dinner. “Do you think I could get an electrician to fix it? No one showed up until the next day. Do these people know the meaning of calamity? I thought this was supposed to be the last of the Old West! Several bottles of 2008 Domaine Leflaive Puligny-Montrachet Les Folatières 1er Cru and 2007 Sassicaia suffered through the night at room temperature and uncontrolled humidity!”

One marcher was upset about her property. “When I brought my legacy property, I was told it was unparalleled, unique, exceptional, and one of a kind. But in last week’s News&Guide I found ads for 20 unparalleled properties, 15 unique properties, 30 exceptional properties and 12 one of a kind properties. I want my money back!” PJH

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