ASK THE BARTENDER: Tipple Twisters

By on July 12, 2016

Libation creation: Putting the cool in classic cocktails (lime not included).

Left: the accoutrements for an Old Fashioned Landlord. This drink should be ingurgitated before returning your landlord’s call, email and text message. Right: a libation for the gear-addicted and/or wallet conscious, the Cheap Cribarita. (Photo: Maia Oustinoff Albers)

Left: the accoutrements for an Old Fashioned Landlord. This drink should be ingurgitated before returning your landlord’s call, email and text message. Right: a libation for the gear-addicted and/or wallet conscious, the Cheap Cribarita. (Photo: Maia Oustinoff Albers)

JACKSON HOLE, WY – When I moved to Jackson three years ago I was renting a room adjacent to Flat Creek near the Rustic Inn. Being new in town, I didn’t realize how fortunate I was to score such a cool apartment on my first try. One day I went to unwind at the creek after a particularly strenuous day at work and crossed paths with a well-chilled bottle of perspective. No, seriously, I was sitting in the creek and a lonely bottle of craft beer drifted into my lap. You can’t even make this stuff up. I chuckled, cracked the beer open, and drank its entirety as a moose wandered by.

Was it a sign? Once I became more familiar with Jackson Hole, I realized my beer in the water experience probably wasn’t a miracle, but more likely the result of a tuber that had capsized, forcing their bubbly bounty to fall awry.

Booze is fun, social, and unexpected—like Jackson Hole, where I enjoy crafting cocktails at Teton Tiger and passing on my knowledge to both friends and patrons. Here are a few of my unexpected twists on classic pairings for your everyday hangouts this summer, and beyond—an ode to my Jackson Hole experiences in cocktail form if you will. You can be sure they’re all a real boozy…I mean, doozy.

The Old Fashioned Landlord

This particular cocktail should be appropriately consumed during your highest point of anger and resentment.

2.5 oz. Bulleit rye
1 sugar cube
2-3 dashes DRAM Apothecary’s Wild Sage Bitters (Found at Mountain Dandy)
3/4 oz. club soda
Cracked black peppercorn
1 lemon garnish or sage leaf (for steez)

Place the sugar cube in an Old-Fashioned glass. Wet down the cube with sage bitters followed by a short splash of club soda.

Crush the sugar with a muddler or any angry looking tool that helps you annihilate things. (ie: hammer, ski pole, etc.) On second thought, I don’t condone either of those. Rotate the glass so the corners are soaked with a sugary lining.

Add a large ice cube and pour in the 2 oz. rye whiskey

Raise the lemon garnish (or sage) to your nose, take a deep breath, and place precariously on the cocktail so it ALMOST falls off the edge of the glass and makes you slightly nervous. Add a quick grind of peppercorn on top.

Go outside for a minute, drink until you’re toasty inside and don’t respond to your landlord’s requests until the cocktail is fully consumed and your mind has reached a “professional, but drunk,” state of mind. You can now conquer anything with your quick wit.

Float Your Friend’s Boat

So, you’re hosting a little get together? Cute! Make this cocktail and they’ll immediately put your name at the top of their “coolest friends in Jackson” list. This is a serious crowd pleaser. (Have a metal shaker handy!)

2 oz. Absolut pear vodka
1/2 oz. simple syrup
3 cucumber wheels
2 lime wedges
3 mint leaves

Muddle the cucumber wheels, mint leaves, and lime wedges in a cocktail shaker until they look a little beat, then add the simple syrup and muddle a little longer soaking the simple syrup into the ingredients.

Shake ice and pear vodka.

Strain (or don’t) the ingredients into one of those random glasses that your roommate owns that says “BRAT” on it.

Cheap Cribarita

Are your friends sometimes cheap? Are you cheap, sometimes? Me too.

Have a weekend pitcher ready that involves both beer and tequila. Win-win. You can take this on a hike, lay in the tall grass with your weird dog, or fill a water bottle for later—especially since you’re parched after a long day hauling tourists up the tram. Also, you owe your friend a drink after running over his toe with your bike on the pass. You didn’t mean to. We know. Share this one with the masses…don’t be stingy.

4 (12 oz.) bottles of cold light-flavored beer. (I like Pacifico)
1 cup tequila (8 oz.)
1 can frozen limeade concentrate, thawed (12 oz.)
3-5 limes
Kosher salt

In a large pitcher, combine the beer, tequila and limeade.

Tell your friend to go pick up limes at Lucky’s because you forgot them.

Argue with your friend about getting the limes.

He doesn’t think you need them because that’s just another expense.

Force him to get the limes.

Once you have them, rub a lime wedge around the rim of each of glass and dip it in the salt.

Pour the “Cribaritas” into the glasses and garnish with a lime wedge.

Maybe drop a whole lime in your friends’ cocktail because he was being a jerk.

Hand it to him and smile.

I hope these cocktails have given you another reason to have fun with your friends and be silly. Alcohol isn’t an excuse to be irresponsible, so take care when creating any cold boozy treats. Drop me a lime at Fundayoffice.com. PJH

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