NEWS OF THE WEIRD 3.23.16

By on March 23, 2016

160323NewsoftheWeirdGlaciers and Gender

University of Oregon professor Mark Carey produced a 10,300-word journal article in January proposing a new sensitivity to Earth’s melting icecaps: A “feminist glaciology framework” to “generate robust analysis of gender, power and epistemologies” with a goal of more “just and equitable” “human-ice interactions.” The jargonized, densely worded tract suggests that melting icecaps can be properly understood only with more input from female scientists since, somehow, research so far disproportionately emphasizes climate change’s impact on males. (The New York Post reported that the paper was funded by a National Science Foundation grant of $412,930.)

Chutzpah!

Trying to put (as a critic charged) “lipstick on a pig,” Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder boasted in March that the lead-in-the-water crisis plaguing the city of Flint for months now had actually spurred job growth. Though Snyder has been heavily criticized for tight-fisted budgeting that enabled the crisis, 81 temporary workers have been recently hired—to hand out bottled water so that residents would not have to hydrate themselves with poisoned municipal water.

Can’t Possibly Be True

A senior federal administrative law judge recently claimed (and then, for good measure, repeated and emphasized) that, in his experience, “3-year-olds and 4-year-olds” do not need the help of lawyers to advocate for them in immigration proceedings. Teaching those kids their rights, Judge Jack Weil said, “takes a lot of time” and “a lot of patience,” but there is no need for government to provide lawyers. (Weil, a U.S. Department of Justice employee, was contesting an American Civil Liberties Union claim at a recent deposition in an immigration case in Seattle.)

• Homeless people frequently store their few possessions in commandeered shopping carts, but New Yorker Sonia Gonzalez, 60, became a legend recently on Manhattan’s West Side by maneuvering a stunning, block-long assemblage of more than 20 carts’ worth of possessions along the sidewalks. Among the contents: an air conditioner, a laundry hamper, shower curtain rods, a wire shelving unit, wooden pallets, suitcases and, of course, bottles and cans. She moved along by pushing carts two or three at a time, a few feet at a time, blocking entrances to stores in the process. (The day after a New York Post story on Gonzalez’ caravan, Mayor DiBlasio ordered city workers to junk everything not essential, leaving her with about one cart’s worth.)

Questionable Judgments

Mexico’s latest female accessorizing craze is shellacking tiny dead scorpions onto fingernails, using the second-most venomous species of the arachnid, selling briskly at the Miss Unas parlor in Durango. In fact, while in town (according to a London Daily Mail dispatch from Durango), shoppers may check out the Raices restaurant, which pioneered tacos filled with still-wriggling scorpions (that had been soaked in surgical alcohol to neutralize the venom).

Latest Religious Messages

Businessman Induvalu Suresh cut off and donated the little finger of his left hand recently at the Hindu pilgrimage site Tirupati, India, as homage to the gods for the granting of bail to prominent India leaders Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi, who are charged with fraudulent business practices in a case heavily politically weighted.

• In October, a regional court in Nizhegorodsky, Russia, decided that the Russian Orthodox Church could pay off part of a debt for its new boiler spiritually. According to an Associated Press dispatch from Moscow, the church can settle the remaining debt, equivalent to $6,585, to the boiler company by paying $2,525 in rubles and the remainder by prayer.

Awesome!

In a suburb of Newcastle, Australia, in February, workers using a crane extracted a 1-ton snake-like mass of sewage (mostly “wet wipes” unwisely flushed down toilets) from an underground pipe—with the gummed-together sludge reaching a height of more than 20 feet when the crane finally yanked the whole thing up. Said a representative of the water company, “(Y)ou’ll flush the toilet, and the wet wipe will disappear,” and you think (wrongly) it’s therefore “flushable.”

Thanks This Week to Gerald Sacks and Pete Randall and to the News of the Weird Board Editorial Advisors.

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