REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Hog Island Cafe

By on April 14, 2015

Jackson, Wyoming – Readers of Carol Mann’s Cosmic Café probably don’t realize that I am also clairvoyant, a seeker of the sacred and mystical, that I possess a deep understanding of karma, reincarnation, universal principles, metaphysical tradition, evolutionary direction, and pickup trucks.

Here are questions from readers probing the deepest mysteries of the human experience:

Dear Clyde,

My friends and I were drinking beer and smoking pot the other night and after several hours the conversation turned to the mystical and sacred. Here is our question: What happens to PBR once we piss it out? Of course, we realize that the physical properties go into the sewer (unless we take a leak behind a shrub in which case it blends with the earth and becomes one with the cosmos), but about the essence of the beer, the soul so to speak? Does it transform into a higher plane or reincarnate into microbrew?

Signed, Seeking a buzz

Dear Buzz,

Beer must follow universal principles to exist in a state of unconditional love congruent with the energy from which the beer was brewed. Reincarnation and karma applies to beer as well as fine wines and other alcohol-based beverages. As alcohol passes through the body, it evolves. It learns lessons along the way, turning from fear-based acridity to fermentation based on love. The beer moves through lifetimes of ales, porters, stouts, lagers and wheat beers until finally, after many lifetimes, it becomes single malt scotch.

Dear Clyde,

My wife is an unrepentant witch and makes my life a living hell. How can I be sure she will suffer in her next life?

Signed, Make her a bug!!

Dear Bug,

Women seek to transform familiar fear-based expressions like nagging, complaining, irritableness and just plain bitchiness, into love-based actions like, sex, fetching beers, sex, cooking and sex. Their personal and collective evolution are influenced by levels of awareness, positive intention, self-honesty, openheartedness and her ability to do as told. From your question it sounds like she is stuck in spiritual infancy and needs a few cycles as a slug, or better yet, as Bruce Jenner’s stepdaughter.

Dear Clyde,

I have a question about soul mates. I recently met this really hot chick and I would like to spend a night of wild abandon with her. Can the whole soul mate thing be good for just one night or is there a danger of a longer term relationship occurring?

Signed, Seeking a one-night soul mate

Dear Seeking,

Soul mates are people we’ve have had loving relationships in past lifetimes with and whose paths we cross again. When it comes to soul mates, men are intuitive; they can feel the heart’s resonance unlimited by time or space and carried across lifetimes. This is especially true for hot chicks.

You should seek a connection with her but like you mention, beware of deeper relationships. Always remember, the more soul mates you snag this lifetime, the more you will have the next!

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