WELL, THAT HAPPENED: Yawner of an award season

By on January 13, 2015

Jackson Hole, Wyoming – I watched the 72nd annual Golden Globes so you didn’t have to. Truthfully, I was genuinely excited about Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosting for a third year in a row. They’re an unstoppable comedy duo in a room full of overpaid celebrities; what could possibly go wrong? (Oh, Andrew of a few hours ago … you were so innocent then.) And weirdly, I am really, really into awards season! Or at least I thought I was. After this year’s broadcast, I’ve come to the scientific conclusion that I don’t really give a crap anymore.

Fetch me my gilded soapbox.

Cold, cold opening

At the start of the show Tina and Amy strolled out with their side-do and weird spray tan, respectively, and came out swinging. While they snapped out a few quick jabs at George Clooney’s lifetime achievement award and his new wife, they delivered an uppercut to the absent Bill Cosby.

“In Into the Woods,” Amy started, “Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel is thrown from her tower for her prince, and Sleeping Beauty just thought that she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.”

Yowza. Apply cold water to burn. But their Cosby-isms didn’t stop there. Tina joined in and the co-hosts had a quick Imitation Game (nudge nudge) to see who could do a better Cosby impression yammering on about pills. The whole theater sputtered their awkward uncomfortable laughter, as Tina and Amy ramped it up even further by bringing out fellow comedienne Margaret Cho as General Cho Yung Ja, the faux North Korean representative of the Hollywood Foreign Press.

Poor Meryl Streep had to stand up and pose for a picture with the general as Benedict Cumberbatch tried (and failed) to photobomb. The joke fell flat, and Tina and Amy decided to hang out in the wings for the rest of the show.

Artists currently known as activists

I have to say, when Prince came out on stage I was willing to bet money that Tina or Amy had dressed up like him for a gag. Sure enough, the real Prince came out in full Prince regalia to tell us that “of course” the song from the Martin Luther King Jr. biopic Selma won Best Original Song.

But one of the best award-giving moments was when Jennifer Lopez and Jeremy Renner presented Best Actor in a Miniseries.

“I’ve got the nails,” J.Lo said when Renner gave her the envelope.

“You’ve got the globes too,” he replied. Sure enough, J.Lo’s bazoombas were practically ready to jump out and roll into Helen Mirren’s lap.

This year there were very few tears and plenty of dedications to buzzworthy news events. Selma winners dedicated their award to the slain NYC police officers; George Clooney and Jared Leto crooned “Je Suis Charlie;” and the creator of the show Transparent dedicated her win to the transgender community. It’s not uncommon for actors to pull real-world reverence into their fairy tale, bullshit back-patting ceremonies, but it’s starting to feel as shoehorned as a Meryl Streep nomination.

No one has seen these movies

With the exception of maybe The Grand Budapest Hotel and Into the Woods, there’s not a single nominee that is the type of movie the general public takes interest in. With The Hobbit being over and done with (its final chapter left too many annoying kernels in reviewers’ teeth) and Unbroken basically being snubbed across the board, there’s very little mass appeal with these films. A lot of them were limited releases but without much buzz. It’s been a weird year for movies, and this Golden Globes show is a clear indication of that.

If you care, the two Best Picture winners were Boyhood (drama) and The Grand Budapest Hotel (comedy). And if anything, we’ll all soon be filling out our ballots for the local cinema contest in hopes of scoring a year of free movies. That’s reason enough to at least give these award shows a passing glance.

But, honestly, screw this season. Peeking at this year’s upcoming movie line-up, I have a feeling we’ll be paying closer attention next year because we will have actually seen the movies.

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