DEAR ROCKY LOVE: We need to talk…

By on December 9, 2014

dearrockyweb-300x300Dear Reader,

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and, well, um, the thing is I just don’t think this relationship is working out. You’re cute and all, and I really like hanging out with you (most of the time) but (I don’t know how else to put this) you won’t talk to me about your feelings!

I know, maybe it’s a reader thing. Readers are less forthcoming with their feelings than writers. You’ve been socialized that way, I understand. And if you showed just a little interest I’d be more patient and work it out. But I’ve been waiting for you to communicate with me for months now, and… silence. You know the adage, “it takes two to tango.” I’m starting to feel like a dork dancing by myself out here on the dance floor for so long.

What is it, Reader? Are you afraid someone will know it was you who wrote to me? Are you too shy to share your love woes?

Or maybe we live in a magical town where nobody ever has trouble in their love life ever!

All I know for sure is that in the past several months that I’ve been writing this column, nobody from Jackson has spontaneously, anonymously written me asking for love advice. I’ve managed to cajole generous and good-natured friends to send me their relationship conundrums. I’m grateful for their contributions, and for the opportunity to opine about love, dating, and sex. All the letters have been genuine, and my responses honestly heartfelt.

Still, I have to conclude from the Utter Dearth of letters to Rocky Love, that you, dear Reader, simply do not love me. You’ve grown tired of me. Or perhaps I never lit your fire in the first place. Let us not continue this charade. I bid you farewell (sniff, sniff) so that you can freely seek out better advice. Your mom, Dan Savage, the person next to you on the chairlift, God, your dog – all completely respectable advisors.

Anyway, I’ve learned a lot through this relationship, Reader. I’ll always remember the time I told you to meet your husband for a quickie at lunchtime. And when you had a crush on your closeted roommate, I did try to caution you not to jump his bones without at least ensuring your suspicion is fact. Or when that athlete dude tried to kick your ass on the single track as a first date? I made you feel like the one who triumphed…

(Just listen to me – doing that pathetic thing where I try to convince you how great I am when it’s obvious you’ve moved on. Sorry! I’m stopping! I promise, I’m stopping now!)

My parting advice: As you plunge boldly forward with your heart, make sure to always consult the person who knows best: your very own self. Easier said than done, Reader, easier said than done. Take it from someone who knows. I wasn’t named “Rocky” for nothing.

xo,

Rocky Love

Dear Rocky Love is an advice column on dating, sex and relationships in the Tetons. Send your letters c/o JH Weekly, PO Box 3249, Jackson, WY 83001 or email: [email protected]

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