FEED ME!: Domino’s toppled by Little Caesars

By on November 11, 2014
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Italian Cheesy Bread from Little Caesars (above) beats out offerings from Domino’s in this week’s taste test. PHOTO CREDIT: GERALDINE MISHEV

Jackson Hole, Wyoming – My boyfriend was out of town last Friday night. I had to fend for myself. Sadly, that meant dinner from Little Caesars. And Domino’s. Walking into the latter, I was not proud of myself. Walking out and putting both a medium pizza topped with mushrooms and chicken and an order of Cinna Stix on my front seat next to an order of Little Caesars Italian Cheesy Bread, I might have been bordering on shame. That lasted all of 13 seconds.

Before I had backed out of my parking spot, my mouth was watering. By the time I hit Maple Way, I was drooling on myself.

The aromas swirling around inside my car — rich cinnamon, pungent herbs, greasy grease — caused multiple nosegasms. Not wanting them to stop, I began inhaling more deeply than I perhaps ever have.

Nostrils flared. There was simultaneous inhaling through the nose and mouth. Did you know you have smell sensors at the back of your mouth? What was happening?

I went to Little Caesars and Domino’s with the idea of writing a column on the best of the worst pizzas in town. And here the worst pizzas in town were arousing my taste buds more than the 250 Euro, 10-course meal I ate last week at a Michelin-starred restaurant in Berlin.

111214feedme.dominosSadly, two of the three boxes did not live up to the promises of their aromas. Domino’s pizza smells better than it tastes. Even worse is that, 90 minutes post feast, the meal inspired my digestive system to create its own aromas. It got to a point where my cat, who licks her own butt on a daily basis, could not abide being in the same room as me.

Because I ate the three together, there is no pinpointing the specific gastric culprit. But because its pizza was lackluster and the Cinna Stix ($10.06 for both) a waste of good cinnamon, I’m going to blame Domino’s.

I’m also going to apologize to Little Caesars. Since Jackson’s Little Caesars is located inside Kmart, which is, without a doubt, the worst store in the world, I never took it seriously.

However, almost immediately upon approaching the Little Caesars counter, I began to see I might be wrong. The cashier was so friendly. When I told him I wanted a slice of pizza, he got a look on his face like he’d just been told ski season was canceled. “We’re only making pizzas to order tonight. I’m really sorry,” he said. He managed to say this in a way that I totally believed him.

A couple of his co-workers had failed to show up. The only thing he had that I could walk out the door with at that moment was an order of Italian Cheesy Bread. I paid $4.26 and walked out with a box that weighed a couple of pounds.

Finally at home, sitting on the couch in my pajamas, I dug into all three. Even though all the Domino’s food cost only $10, I was disappointed.

But Little Caesars did not disappoint. Not wanting to gorge, I meant to only eat one of the 10 slices of cheesy bread. After number four — I justified the extra three by not finishing even a single slice of the Domino’s pizza — I packed the remainder into a glass container and put them in the freezer. If I hadn’t, I have little doubt I could have eaten the entire box.

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