PROPS & DISSES: 12.30.13

By on December 30, 2013

By Parcel pickle: Return to sender DISS
JACKSON HOLE, WYO – I don’t know how many times I have tried to explain to my mom back East not to send packages to the post office, but that it’s OK to send letters. She always gets it wrong. Mostly, she can’t get it through her head that we don’t have a mailman here. No one delivers mail. That blows her mind.

Jackson Hole’s black hole of postal service is a pain in the ass sometimes. One has to be ever so vigilant about including both a post office box and a physical address when ordering stuff from Amazon and the like.

How many times have I forgotten to include the PO Box on my order only to watch a package disappear into the mysterious “back room” of the 83002 building? Countless. USPS looks a lot like UPS when glancing at an onscreen shipping order. And who still uses the post office, anyway?

Sometimes the people working at our post office are nice and helpful. Sometimes they are short and grumpy. I can’t fault them. It’s thankless government work in a dying industry dealing with impatient customers pissed off from waiting in line with a yellow slip for a phone book. It’s like getting the booby prize on Let’s Make a Deal.

But now a new evil has surfaced. I’ve watched in helpless horror as a package that started out with FedEx or UPS as the shipper was suddenly handed over to the federal government somewhere along the way. No!

Maybe it is just an anomaly during the busy holiday season when the big boy carriers needed a little help with overflow, but with Amazon’s recent deal with USPS to deliver for them on Sundays, I’m worried a disturbing trend is underway. And I’m not the only one.

Madeleine Mundt has launched an online petition at Change.org. (“Request new procedures at the post office to limit auto-returns.”) It has reached 350 signatures.

Smith bolts for NFL, Pokes screwed DISS
Following another disturbing trend, Cowboys standout quarterback Brett Smith announced last week he would declare for the NFL draft and forego his senior year at Laramie. The news is yet another kick to the groin of a university coming off a lousy football season.

Smith was Wyoming’s only chance for new head coach Craig Bohl to turn things around. Without the 6-foot, 3-inch, 206-pound signal caller, the Pokes have little to look forward to.

Smith told athletic director Tom Burman that Bohl’s hiring was not a factor in his decision. He simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity to turn pro and start making real money. The reins will likely be handed over to redshirt sophomore Jason Thompson, who has had no game experience.

Smith completed 62 percent of his passes for 8,834 yards and 76 touchdowns. He ran for another 1,531 yards, finding the end zone 20 times with his legs. Smith said he will begin training for the NFL draft and is actively pursuing an agent.

Smith’s bailout is all-too typical. College players are opting to declare early rather than risk a career-ending injury before they are inked to a pro team. Sensing a weak draft for quarterbacks, Smith’s move is probably smart. He should go by the third round and hold a clipboard for some pro team for next season until he is given a chance.

Give wildlife a brake DISS
According to the Comp Plan, everyone reading this loves wildlife more than their firstborn. According to everyone’s driving, everyone hates wildlife more than Obamacare.

People are either hypocrites or completely oblivious to anything happening on the road. Christie Madsen wrote a letter to the editor saying she stopped for an elk herd outside of Wilson hoping fellow motorists would also show compassion and allow the wapiti to cross Highway 22. No such luck. People honked angrily and passed her, completely unaware of the elk. There’s no “I” in team but there is one in driving. It’s me, me, me.

Meanwhile, Tom Mangelsen, who stakes his profession on wildlife and being aware of their wellbeing, managed to notice a wounded hawk a few weeks ago. It was fending off the attacks of ravens after likely being hit by a car. He rescued it and turned it over to the Raptor Center. They released it after 10 days of rehab.


About Jake Nichols

Jake is a work in progress.

3 Comments

  1. dee

    January 2, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    Jake, maybe you should learn how to address your packages correctly so you get them and stop blaming others for your ignorance. I always get my stuff. Or I guess you could move back to the big city where you can get mail delivered. Maybe try that.

  2. Jordan Rivers

    January 4, 2014 at 8:39 am

    PLEASE “try that”

  3. Jean

    January 4, 2014 at 1:31 pm

    I don’t understand the mean spirited comments. If you don’t like the paper don’t read it. The local mail service could use improvement.

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