- THE FOODIE FILES: Centenarian secrets
- THE BUZZ: Teewinot claims two
- REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Hog Island economics
- FEATURE: The Center of the Universe
- GUEST OPINION: Five times the feces?
- GET OUT: Ode to Delta
- MUSIC BOX: Euphoria meets Canyon
- THE BUZZ: The Faces of Blair
- WELL, THAT HAPPENED: Trumped up comedy
- MUSIC BOX: Heroes can’t stand still
REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Slow Food, fast women
JACKSON HOLE, WYO – Disheartened by the Washington D.C. car chase and shooting, I stopped by Shades with hopes that Susie would offer emotional support by way of a free day-old muffin. It was very tragic that a troubled young woman died, tragic that two officers were hurt, and it was a complete tragedy that all those shots were fired and not one politician was hit.
“Why don’t you go to Friday’s inaugural Shift Festival with Slow Food in the Tetons,” Susie said while sneaking me a chocolate chip mocha raspberry cream muffin in an attempt to lift my spirits. “Local food writer and Slow Food board member Annie Fenn said it is ‘the foodie event of the year.’”
“Slow Food?” I asked. “Is that like a three-legged elk?”
“No silly,” she said. “Slow Food is a movement. The Slow Food manifesto states that food is the ideal instrument with which to experiment and promote an articulated, complex and creative education that gives value to interdependence, the environment and common good.”
“As a columnist I support articulated complexity,” I said.
It will be an evening of food, drink and film, highlighted by eating cheese and a movie called “The Story of an Egg.” Suzie continued.
Eating cheese and “The Story of an Egg?” Obviously, foodie chicks need some fresh spice in their life. In a town of hip athletic women, cool bohemian artist women, redneck girls, gorper girls, new-age yoga girls, and other miscellaneous subsets of the local female population, foodie chicks present an untapped resource. I immediately felt better.
I researched foodie topics to prepare for the prerequisite “we share so much in common” conversation females require before they will visit your trailer house. I cruised cookbook collections at local stores. There are vegetarian cookbooks, vegan cookbooks, organic cookbooks, Earth-friendly cookbooks, cookbooks from Teton Pines focused on political fundraiser dinner party servant management, cookbooks from the Middle East, Asia, South America, India, and even one featuring ethnic Antarctican food including savory penguin in caramelized orange sauce.
In honor of the Shift Festival, of Slow Food in the Tetons, of “The Story of an Egg,” and in an attempt to win the admiration of foodie girls everywhere, I will publish a cookbook highlighting Hog Island regional cuisine. Hopefully, cookbook sales surpass “Saddles to Sushi!”
I have included my first dinner recipe below. Bon appétit.
Elk and Potatoes Prétentieux
Track one medium-sized elk. Shoot it, legally if possible. (Note: Yellowstone elk have a sweet savory flavor not typically found in those roaming elsewhere. If at the time of this printing, park rangers are still furloughed, you do the math.) Gut elk, pack it out, age for one week if a cow, two weeks for a bull. Remove skin, cut off a steak, add pepper (Cajun spice for the more adventurous), cook over hot grill until rare.
Baked potatoes with butter and sour cream are a creative vegetable selection. Budweiser is the choice for beverage as it has greater depth than Coors and is richer with a full-bodied texture, firmer structure, greater flavor intensity, and a more complex finish.
For dessert, take one extra large Hog Islander, (the only size they come in) lightly oil, wrap in satin and toss. Whipped cream may be added if desired.