- MUSIC BOX: Crescent City Funk Party
- THE BUZZ: Lodging Flip-Flop
- WELL, THAT HAPPENED: Plotting Greatness
- GALLOPIN’ GRANDMA: Summer Visitors
- THEM ON US 6.29.16
- FEATURE: How the West Was One
- Editor’s Note: Xenophobes Need Not Apply
- THE BUZZ: Tenement Tenting
- MUSIC BOX: Wyoming Songwriters Highjacked
- GET OUT: Icy Heat
REDNECK PERSPECTIVE: Biscuits, gravy, nirvana
JACKSON HOLE. WYO – Susie told me I was not enlightened after I ordered biscuits and gravy at Lotus Organic Bakery and Cafe. They didn’t have biscuits and gravy, unfortunately, and I had to settle for steamed quinoa with apple, cinnamon, walnuts, agave-vanilla syrup and organic milk. Not quite the same I’m sad to report.
Susie ordered a Raw Acai Bowl – a mix of raspberry, blueberry and strawberry blended with live sesame milk and topped with rawnola, raw cacao nibs, gogi berries, banana, hemp seed and raw agave. I wasn’t sure if she was going to eat it or knit a scarf with it.
“I tried to become enlightened,” I told her. “It just didn’t sink in. I think it must have been the tequila.”
She handed me a couple books. “Read these, Clyde. They’ll help you on your journey.”
One was “Tao Te Ching,” written by Lao Tzu. The other was called “Dhamma,” written by Buddha. Both have been dead for more than 2,000 years, way before the invention of NASCAR, Budweiser, Utah girls or black silk lingerie. Plainly they would have little of relevance to say to the modern Hog Islander. I figured I would read maybe a half page so I could tell Susie I gave it a try, but instead I found myself fascinated.
For example, from the “Tao Te Ching” came this insight: “… one of Tao governs by emptying the heart of desire and fills the belly with food, loosens ambitions and strengthens the bones.” I relate. After my fourth trip through the line at Hoback Fire Department’s rib barbeque, my belly has filled with food, my ambitions – what few I have – are lessened, and while I am sitting down and resting, my bones are getting stronger.
“Practice action without striving and all will be in order,” reads another passage. Hell, no one knows non-striving like me, unless the TV remote is lost, and I have to bend over and look under the couch.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Yep. You have to walk to your truck before you can start it.
“Yin is like a valley that is always present.” I couldn’t have agreed more, until I realized it said “Yin” not Gin.
From the Dhamma: “We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.” What redneck is not shaped by his thoughts?
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.” I keep on telling Susie, Alice, Lill and a sundry selection of Utah girls up for a good time that I am worthy of their love.
“I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.” That describes perfectly what it is like trying to finish the last couple bites of a Bubba’s full order of biscuits and gravy.
It is obvious I am an enlightened soul on the path to wisdom, contentment, nirvana, perhaps even becoming Hog Island’s first Buddha. I already have the belly for it. I have decided to start a qualified nonprofit, the “Hog Island Institute of Enlightenment and Kama Sutra Studies.” Scholarships are available to Utah girls.